My suspicion is that people have way too much Internet-and-cable-teevee time on their hands if they’re getting seriously upset about this stuff. This Forbes writer–who, based on his profile pictures, seems way creepier than the guys in the SNL video–refers to “YouTube videos of children being terrorized by TSA screeners.”

OK, cowboy, settle down. What I saw was a kiddo having a tantrum, just exactly like every child under four on my flight on Saturday–in the security line, once the plane was in the air, in the line for the bathroom, in their seats, kicking the seats in front of them. Toddlers (mental or otherwise) should probably not decide our airport security policy one way or the other.

Prediction: “National Opt-Out Day” will amount to a storm in a Twitter teapot, but not much in real life. Seriously, middle-aged straight men of America: Your berries are just not that interesting, much less photogenic. Can you please stop holding up the security line so that I can I get to my gate already?

I was carrying powdered soap and a scented candle someone had given me as a gift, and that just about threw the Midwest TSA guys into a complete tizzy.

“We’ve got a live one here.”

Yes. That’s what they said. About my scented candle and powdered cleanser. In Madison, Wisconsin. Before I knew it, SIX of them were staring at the x-ray machine determining whether or not I was carrying materials for some sort of explosive device. They tore apart my entire bag. I was beyond annoyed.

I seriously hate checking my luggage, but my biggest challenge with carrying on is the liquid conundrum. The whole must-be-under-3 ounces thing really drives me nuts, and fitting everything in the small ziplock bag thing is beyond stupid. I find myself ripping apart my bathroom before every trip searching for my travel-sized bottles while I stand there maniacally squeezing my various cleansers, shampoos, etc. into these containers.

So lately I’ve been obsessed with circumventing this issue à la powdered soap. And I recently came across this product by Flight 001 that bills itself as paper shampoo. I bet a zillion dollars it doesn’t work well, but I’m intrigued.

Who knows, though, it might just make the Madison TSA dudes have a total mind meltdown.

Travel + Leisure’s May issue has a decent slideshow of the Best Airport Hot Spots. I was most struck by the amazing image of the Best New Terminal in Montevideo in Uruguay. T + L’s description is as follows:

Inspired by the region’s characteristic cuchillas, or low hills, this terminal from New York–based, Uruguay-born architect Rafael Viñoly has a gently curving 1,000-foot-long roof—reminiscent of the futuristic hubs built when air travel was young—and a sunlit terrace in the departures hall.

I absolutely love how the design pays homage to the country’s terrain but also gives a shout out to the Pan Am era. How cool. Here’s more on the terminal.

I love great airport design, and as I’ve mentioned before, I’m in love with Singapore’s Changi airport. (I’ll admit to being disappointed it wasn’t included somewhere on the”Best Hot Spot” list.) But I may have found another airport that comes close to Changi.

I was recently in Malaysia and had the pleasure of exploring Kuala Lumpur International. It’s about ten years old, and is very impressive with its mix of contemporary glass with natural materials. I loved the use of wood on the ceiling in the main terminal. Check out this great shot on Flickr.

What are some of your favorite airports?

A few weeks ago, I tried US Airway’s Club at the Philadelphia Airport. I want to report that it was a waste of money; that the people on the other side of those slidey-glass double doors are no more or less happy than we hoi polloi are; that there’s no discernible difference.

I wanted to lie to you. But I can’t.

Admittedly, one of those three presumptions is probably not true: They’re probably no happier than those of us fighting the good fight in the main departure hall.

But they have bellies full of cheap drinks and free Pepperidge Farm cookies, and I think that eases the travel pain.

OK, OK, at least it’s not glamorous. Most of the reading materials were magazines like Executive Golfer Monthly and Maryland’s Finest. The crowd had that same Glengarry, Glen Ross mojo that I’m quoting in the headline of this piece.

It’s definitely not the swanky, Clooney-ful lounge from “Up in the Air,” but as previously stated in a post on the single best hotel amenity, what the lounge provides is space.

Space to get away from the blathering of CNN on an overhead TV found every twenty yards in the main departure hall. Space to get away from the Glen Rosses who want to natter away on their Bluetooth headphones, many of which carry over to the executive lounge. (Seriously, guys. If Brad Pitt can’t make one of those things look good, you have NO SHOT at pulling it off. You look like an asshat. Please stop.)

There’s so much space, it felt giddy. When someone annoyed me, I could move to another chair and find another outlet to plug in my electronics. Revolutionary.

I’m seriously contemplating adding a $30 day-rate fee for access to these places for any time I fly through Philly–traditionally one of the worst airports I’ve been to. (I’ve taken photos of the cracking ceiling tile, unmentionable brown rust stains leaking down the walls, etc., but they’re too depressing to post.)

I’ll pay more for a direct flight, which is just the same kind of comfort-and-convenience surcharge. Why not a day pass? I’m not really sure that this is any different, and plus, unlike the flight itself, this comes with all the free cookies I can eat.

P.S. The photos above were my view from the PHL lounge, but run through the snazzy photography iPhone apps I like to use when I travel.

]]> http://www.newelty.com/2010/04/28/coffee-and-the-executive-lounge-is-for-closers/feed/ 0 http://www.newelty.com/2010/03/25/quiet-massages-and-butterflies/ http://www.newelty.com/2010/03/25/quiet-massages-and-butterflies/#comments Fri, 26 Mar 2010 03:26:39 +0000 newelty http://www.newelty.com/?p=1609 While I don’t totally agree with the winners of this year’s World Airport Awards, I was thrilled to see that Singapore’s Changi Airport was on the list.

When I was recently there, three things stood out for me:

1. It’s pretty much carpeted throughout, making it quiet and pleasant. One of my pet peeves about airports is how incredibly loud they can be which is usually due to all the hard surfaces everywhere.

2. Free massages! I’m actually not kidding. You go to a booth, they give you free tokens, and then you go to a tranquil room with potted trees and plants where you can find massage chairs. Great for your back before a long plane ride.

3. Butterflies! Again, not kidding. They have a beautiful butterfly garden. It’s a genius move. Think about it. Airports are stressful environments. What relieves stress? Butterflies, of course!