newelty

I’d like to sing the praises of this Slate piece by John Dickerson,  a child’s treasury of jackass flight passengers.

Partly it’s because I was so ticked off with my fellow passengers on my last domestic flight–a.k.a. “the tragedy of the commons“–that I completely reversed my previously stated opinion about Spirit Airways charging for carry-on bags.

Only halfway through the flight and people were already storing their ginormous “carry-ons” fifteen rows back in order to save a nominal baggage-check fee? FAIL. It created utter chaos as rows and rows of people tried to work their way towards the back of the plane once we landed. Now I believe that either there should be no fees for either carrying on or checking bags–or fees for both–otherwise the airlines create financial incentives for insane, penny-pinching behavior.

But I digress.

Dickerson’s piece is a summary of all sorts of bad behavior from others all of us have experienced in the semi-anonymous, semi-intimate space that is the modern airline cabin and departure hall. I identify myself as the second personality type in his list, subbing in “ninja-like use of iPhone apps” for “travel agent or assistant”:

Outside Flight Ninja
Responds to a delay by immediately calling his or her travel agent or assistant and plotting routes around the problem. Is there a train station near by? What’s the drive time to the nearest airport, if I rent a car? These people walk away from other travelers so their solution won’t be copied. They know the tricks of the major airports and departure times of alternate flights by heart. Confession: I am this person. I once got home from a campaign stop in Vegas by flying around a storm in the Midwest by quickly rerouting myself through Houston, flying to Philadelphia, and taking the train to Washington, D.C.

Tedious Storytelling Flight Ninja
Similar to previous Flight Ninja but with detailed stories about how efficient he is in getting around travel delays.

I also enjoy his descriptions of other genus and species I’ve observed:

See Here Now! Man
A cousin of the fellow in the introduction of this story. He believes that the mechanical problem, personnel issue, or weather will be improved if he loudly proclaims his place in the universe.

And

The Hysterical
She’s been captured on film.

Regarding the Hysterical, I love two things about this crazy lady: 1) her commitment. Who hasn’t wanted to have a full-on tantrum at least once in their life? 2) That she inspired the disco remix of her tantrum, below.

Please be sure to read his entire piece. It’s quietly hilarious.